Unsurprisingly, I really love reading restaurant menus, especially physical ones. The reason why is two-fold: I am sometimes indecisive about what I’m going to order and I like digging into menu item descriptions. You start to notice trends, which start somewhere higher or lower and eventually make their way into restaurants like Eggsperience, a small Chicagoland chain of family restaurants. One is located not far from where I live; I’d say don’t be weird and look that up but the anonymous person who sent me an envelope full of physically printed (yes, they printed them out and wrote the URL on the top) transphobic articles from the Internet already beat you to the punch. (Seriously, please don’t do that, I am not worried but I also don’t want to be.) Eggsperience is riding the wave of putting everything on brioche. It’s funny when trends travel far from their origin, and sometimes it’s good: see every third item at Trader Joe’s and Aldi, the Fresh Stuffed Pita at Wendy’s (RIP), the halloumi appetizer at a bar and grill. It wasn’t good this time. But even an awkward, faux-fancy bread choice couldn’t push this sandwich into bad territory.
Hammy Sami at Eggsperience
[I’m trying a new thing called format where I start with the description of the sandwich.]
The Hammy Sami is ham off the bone, fried egg, avocado, cheddar cheese (when did restaurants start putting “cheese” after a descriptor that — I don’t think — could apply to anything else? I think about this way too often), and sriracha mayo, in a warm brioche bun. I went ham because I like ham, and I really like ham off the bone. The ham turned out to be the high point; a juicy, sweet slab. Most of the rest was pretty solid: egg fried just shy of hard which was fine, I like a drippy yolk but they’re not always the best choice, they’re sometimes there to satisfy another trend. Generous amount of cheddar. Nice avocado. The sriracha mayo wasn’t spicy, it added an unnecessary hit of fat more than anything else, but it was okay. Then, the brioche.
I almost ordered it on a different bread. Eggsperience is the kind of restaurant where you can make substitutions, aka fast casual. I had an ex-boyfriend who was deeply mortified when I’d ask for a substitution…at places like Burger King (the one near North and California will totally add jalapeños to your veggie Whopper). He also wouldn’t see a movie if too many people loved it, acted like good music ended in 1995, and although he was substantially older I was his longest relationship by many months. Long story short I went back to therapy, finally saw the movies I missed in theaters between 2007 and 2009, and feel fine requesting a substitution in certain dining contexts.
The only thing the brioche has going for it is its shape; the roundness encases the contents well. But it’s too much: too soft, too buttery, too rich. Brioche is also the kind of bread where I don’t want the cheap version, unless I do: I’m open to a scenario where that really works. But in this case, a potato roll would be better. Or a Kaiser roll. Maybe ciabatta. Something with contrast or chew. I probably wouldn’t order it again, but I probably will go back to Eggsperience. Yelp should have a category for “you would never go out of your way for this place, but it’s good enough that if you live within walking distance you’ll be here”. If you need a flexible, serviceable meal, you could do much worse.
And a follow-up about Chicago diners
I recently hung out with my friend Rose, who’s a hell of a baker — seriously, the best scones I’ve ever had and everything else is amazing too. She told me I was kind of full of it with my Chicago diner assessment, I guess because she believes in “data” not “vibes” (seems weird?). She said that Chicago doesn’t have a diner problem, that the diner culture is just different. She did concede that some things have changed in the past few decades, but that the diner spirit is still strong. In the spirit of facts vs. just running my mouth, I’m going to do some research. What do you think?